So, it has finally happened! I have finally found a job at Rogers Video at South common mall. no longer am I in limbo with increasing debt and credit card bills. Although I am only making minimum wage, I fully intend to work mad hours, and possibly get another job possibly at a rogers wireless store (but I have to train with cellphones first!)

Anyway, my summer, aside from the joblessness, has been fun. Spending most of my time with Brit has been the best experience ever. There is no time in my recollection (other than the times she was mad at me) that we have not had any fun, or had a good talk, or just loved the time sitting quietly beside each other as we watched movies, or listened to the buzz of other people talking around us. I never want it to end. She is just that amazing.

Yesterday, I drove to Cambridge to visit her at the 401 McD's she was working at. On the way there, I got stuck on the 401 because a truck driver decided to flip his truck right at the on ramp of hwy 6. I was stuck there for a good half an hour as the emergency crews were working on the scene and moving the truck and stuff. I get to the Mcdonalds, and without realizing it at first, I went to the wrong one. I ended up having to get to the other side of the highway to be at the right McD's. I saw Brit (I got there just as she was going on break) and left.

That's when the toruble happened. My van (aka POS 2000, aka The Windstar) 's transmission decided to stop working. So, as i was driving on the highway, the transmission wasn't shifting out of first, I was drinving about 50, with my 4 way flashers on, SWEARING at the top of my lungs. I eventually got to hwy 6 and parked in the carpool lot there, and my mom came by and we switched cars. I went to work, and came home.

Long story short - my van is awaiting repair at the moment, and because I live in fucking OAKVILLE, I have no way of getting abck to civilization other than walking. I COULD use my Mom's car - but she is ridiculously anal about me using it. and much like the time when I was stripped of using the car, I feel trapped, and stranded here in this fucking house. It's not like, i can GET anywhere easily, nor will any of my friends WILLINGLY come and pick me up here.

Just to let all of you guys who read this, and also for the enticement of you guys coming HERE - my pool is done. and you can come over to swim whenever you want (as long as I'm home, and not working) so, you have my number, or know someone who does, so just give me a call. I'm not exactly going anywhere fast.

people who play games with people's heads really piss me off.

that is all.

there's somehting oddly peaceful and refreshing about watching the last star disappear into the light of the coming day. Especially knowing that someone you love is only a floor above you.

Tonight is an odd night. really. I mean, it's been what, 2 years since i've last had an entry in here? or, at least one worth noting anyway. Who knows who reads this anymore? maybe you'll all see it in your friends page.

Well, as most of you may know, I was evicted, in sorts, from my home(moreso got home and found the locks were changed). For the past week, my brother and sister and I have been staying at Brit's house because they were so kind as to offer a place to stay for the time being, even as far as to help us get on our feet again, whic brings me to a point.

This whole week I have just felt lost. completely lost. It was a surprise and a shock really, when I was kicked out, no matter how long I had expected it to come. In between living out of garbage bags for the past week (my clothes, not actually garbage), as well as a mix of emotions and questions about what was going on, where I was going, how I was getting there, etc etc etc. On top of that, I felt like we were all this HUGE burden on Brit and her family, and me being me, I seemed to tak that guilt for all three of us. Her family, especially her mom really didn't make it seem like we were at all, even to the point that her mom was actively looking for a job for me, and a place for us to stay (apt in oakville bleh:x) yet, i couldn't shake that feeling. They have been really hospitable for the past week, even to the point that they drove my brother and sister to school and to work every day in between their busy lives, and of course, Brit's busy life :P and I love them for that. all of this. It makes me feel like the whole world isn't all evil, after all. Now, once contact was made between Brit's mother and my mother, bingo, bongo. more stress. I won't go into it here. too long and complicated. If you know my mother, you know what happened. If you don't, let me tell you. it was NOT good at ALL. Now there seems to be this big element, no, Gigantic element of animosity between Brit's mother and mine, as well as Brit and my mother(the latter purely based on my mother's impression of her mother, "like mother like daughter" as she said.) In between job hunting, and not taking that apartment, that's basically been the past week.

Tonight. I find myself becoming very inquisitive with respect to people aorund me. I was sleeping tonight when, at around 130, Brit comes down and wakes me up to talk to me. At first it seemed like some sort of odd dream, as it took me about 15 minutes of talking to her to fully realize just WHO she was (maybe I was just really, REALLY groggy) but that's a whole other story which I really don't want to bother explaning. most of you probably don't care anyway. I digress. We talked for about an hour before she really wanted to go to bed, raising issues about the possibility of my siblings and i to go home, how she's feeling throughout this time, how she feels about me, and it just raised more questions instead of getting answers. Where am I going? what's going to happen? Where is this relaitonship going? Will my mother EVER agree to at least GET to know Brit? Will I be HAPPY?

all really questions everybody asks almost all the time, really, but they just seem so much more important to me now, more important than other times i've asked them and it leaves me here, wondering, thinking, staying up till 4 am and probably all night because my mind is running a mile and a half a minute. I'm finding myself reading my friends' livejournals and myspaces YEARS into the past just because I feel like i want to understand everyone more, to know what they're like, what they're all about. To find out how they felt at the time of past experiences instead of how they've tainted their stories to suit how they feel NOW. I want answers, I NEED answers.

I basically feel like I haven't been that connected to my friends as of late just because I found myself so preoccupied with school and work that I found no time to read their blogs, or hell, to even talk to them. It began slow, like, I'd only have a chance twice a week, then once a week, onec a month, and then it all went away. I felt disconnected, like everyone was moving away, moving on, while I was still stuck in the past, in my old ways, as everyone matured and grew without me.

I spoke with Will tonight. He gave me some seriously needed direction. He's a really good guy. I miss when we used to be so close, doing something every day during that summer.

I apologize for the spelling and possible grammar errors within this. I needed to blurb, and I blurbed very messily. It's 4:30 am and I don't think I'll sleep tonight.

I was in to see a counsellor tonight with my family. We discussed what had happened and what needed to happen, and basically, I got a conditional invite home.

I think I'm going to take it. At least for the time being.

//end.

1. Go here.
2. Pass it on.
( my answers )

Light up the stage so we can all take off anywhere - we'll never come back, ever.

It's our one year...

and we can't see each other.  I thougt this would be a happy happy day - but alas, it is not.

This hurts so much.. and I want to do something about it, but it seems like I can't...

I want this to not hurt so much. I want to impress her. i want to prove to her that I'm good GREAT for you.. and that I want to be with you for a long, long time.

I'm going to clean up, i guess.. and try to impress her. first step - get a hair cut and shave. second - lose the piercings. third - do well in school. 

I apologize for not being like Mr. Perfect (aka Mike.)
                                                                                  

This has officially been one of the worst days.

okay, so, I've learned something about myself in light of recent events. I am a very bad people person.

Like, I'm okay in like, short amounts of time you know being social cracking a few jokes.. mostly lame ones... but I just SUCK over the long term, I mean.. I have no close friends anymore, I'm, in my opinion, HORRIBLE in relationships (i still am really awkward and stuff) and yeah.. I'm just no good at keeping friendships and relationships afloat. I'm not sure what it is, but whetever it is, i need to fix it.

in conclusion: I am going to be a hermit.

from this point on, call me Hermit. or not.

yeah. not.

1. Put your playlist on random.
2. Pick your favorite lines from the first 35 songs that play.
3. Post and let people guess what song the lines come from.
4. Cross out the songs when someone guesses correctly.
5. No Googling or other "cheating" with any search engines.

1)The more I try The more I lose, But today will you remember me?
2)Let's be honest, you know you shouldnt bother 'cause with me - its impossible to win.
3)I'm beginning to feel cold, my hands are shaking from fear, white from clutching my pride,red from cutting you, and blue from telling lies
4)Let's give up, Let's give in. Destperate, pathetic - the same place I've been.
5)There you go again, Falling like a star, Sinking like a stone, Watching as the world you're in
6)Can't take another moment, My back is finally broken, Stepping out and over your big lie, The seams are frayed and open
7)Time to say goodbye paesi che non ho mai veduto e vissuto con te adesso si li vivro. (Time to say goodbye - Andrea Bocelli feat. Sara Brightman)
8)Don't try to look so wise, dont cry cause you so right, dont dry with fakes or fears cause you will hate yourself in the end(Wind - Akeboshi)
9)joy left me that day, pulled from my hands as they robbed me of life, i am leaving earth burning the past as i turn and wave goodbye -- i am finally alive
10)Time flies by, with the sound of your voice, its close to paradise, with the end surely nearer.(Tiger Lily - Matchbook Romance)
11)Last call for alcohol - so drink your whiskeys and beers (Closing Time - Semisonic)
12)I remember playing that one. It's stuck in my head. Over and Over. I took and you bled.
13) here is my new disposition, your about to understand Our theory is only obvious to the skeptical, and at the bitter end
14)We're so creative, so much more We're high above but on the floor(Not an Addict - K's Choice)
15)Identify your patients, XY configurations. Words are lost in your eyes.
16)From the moment you left I knew that something wasn't right. But the feeling inside has kept me up all night.(Bloody Romance - Senses Fail)
17)this planet wasn't made for me - all of you live so easy. I lay outside and up I stare, my home is in the void up there.
18)Forgive me father. why should i bother?(Try Honesty - Billy Talent)
19)and as for me, I wish that I was anywhere, with anyone, making out(Screaming Infidelities - Dashboard Confessional)
20) So blown away by all the faces and dreamers. I'm no weaker than you dear.
21)Out on the front porch, watching the cars as they go by (Eighteen blue, twenty one grey)(Sidewalks - Story of the Year)
22)Now that I face the world with pain inside. Strange, but I can understand the reasons why
23)so there's not much left to say when I already know your story but you'll play your games all night long...
24)And I've got a twenty-dollar bill that says you're up late night starting fist fights versus fences in your backyard
25)On and on and on again, Underrated. How could I have been so blind?
26) ring, ring, ring here comes the morning waking every day to an analog
27)and I can pull your halo down, around your neck and tug you off your cloud..(The Noose - A Perfect Circle)
28)This knife is my most important appendage.(No Transitory - Alexisonfire)
29)PLease take these hands - throw them in the river - wash away the things they never had
30)Test my arms, kick like crazy - I've been trying way too long(Seven Years - Saosin)
31)Baby is this love for real? Let me in your arms to feel (ahhh) the beating of your heart baby.(Beating Heart Baby - Head Automatica)
32)Whenever I'm alone with you - you make me feel like I'm whole again
33)Even your shadow worships you in your jungle solitude(Vanity Fair - Mr. Bungle) - good song, check it out!
34)so take a number undertaker marching onward, marching backward
35)Here I go - scream my lungs out and try to get to you - you are my only one(Only One - Yellowcard)

1. Bold the titles for the movies you've watched in their entirety.
2. Italicize the titles for the movies you've only partially watched.
3. Add three titles of your own choosing to the list


01. Trainspotting
02. Shrek
03. M
04. Dogma
05. Strictly Ballroom
06. The Princess Bride
07. Love Actually
08. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
09. The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
10. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
11. Reservoir Dogs
12. Desperado
13. Swordfish
14. Kill Bill Vol. 1
15. Donnie Darko
16. Spirited Away
17. Better Than Sex
18. Sleepy Hollow
19. Pirates of the Caribbean
20. The Eye
21. Requiem for a Dream
22. Dawn of the Dead
23. The Pillow Book
24. The Italian Job
25. Goonies
26. Baseketball
27. The Spice Girls Movie
28. Army of Darkness
29. The Color Purple
30. The Saftey of Objects
31. Can't Hardly Wait
32. Mystic Pizza
33. Finding Nemo
34. Monsters Inc.
35. Circle of Friends
36. Mary Poppins
37. The Bourne Identity
38. Forrest Gump
39. A Clockwork Orange
40. Kindergarten Cop
41. On The Line
42. My Big Fat Greek Wedding
43. Final Destination
44. Sorority Boys
45. Urban Legend
46. Cheaper by the Dozen
47. The Crow
48. The Princess and the Warrior
49. Seabiscuit
50. Hard Core Logo
51. Phantom of the Paradise
52. Zardoz
53. Lost in Translation
54. American Beauty
55. Big Fish
56. Starship Troopers
57. Starship Troopers 2
58. The Lost Boys
59. All About Eve
60. Showgirls
61. SweptAway
62. Star Wars
63. Black Hawk Down
64. Elizabeth
65. The Shawshank Redemption
66. Four Weddings and a Funeral
67. The Sound of Music
68. Notting Hill
69. Scotland, pa
70. Oxygen
71. The Ring
72. Shrunken Heads
73. Legend
74. About a Boy
75. Lilo and Stitch
76. Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
77. Pitch Black
78. Maid in Manhattan
79. Willow
80. The Usual Suspects
81. Naked Tango
82. Labyrinth
83. Fight Club
84. The Dark Crystal
85. The Nightmare Before Christmas
86. Idle Hands
87. From Hell
88. Meet Joe Black
89. The Breakfast Club
90. FAME
91. Moon Child
92. Zatoichi
93. Ichi the Killer
94. Gohatto
95. Velvet Goldmine
96. Bend It Like Beckham
97. Far and Away
98. Raiders of the Lost Ark
99. X-Men
100. Leathal Weapon
101. Pi
102: The Chosen
103: Amadeus
104. Gummo
105. Sliding Doors
106. Gone With the Wind
107. Wizard of Oz
108. Back to the Future
109. Haggard
110. Empire Records
111. Zoolander
112. The BirdCage
113. girl interupted
114. Better Off Dead
115. euro trip
116. Pretty in Pink
117. Cinderella
118. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
119. The Shining
120. The Killer
121. The Posideon Adventure
122. Where the Heart Is
123. Wayne's World
124. Say Anything
125. The Outsiders
126. Just Married
127. Get Over It
128. Newsies
129. Moulin Rouge
130. Swing Kids
131. Boondock Saints
132. My Cousin Vinny
133. Jay and silent Bob strike back
134. Spiderman
135. Sweet Home Alabama
136. The Notebook
137. He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not
138. The Secretary
139. Beaches
140. death to smoochie
141. american pie
142. american wedding
143. Animal House
144. Kill Bill vo. 2
145. Old School
146. 8 Legged Freaks
147. Interview with the Vampire
148. Cruel Intentions
149. Pulp Fiction
150. Blow
151. Chicago
152. But I'm A Cheerleader
153. Monty Python & The Holy Grail
154. Clerks
155. Chances Are
156. Casablanca
157. Hedwig and the Angry Inch
158. Bean
159. Mighty Midget
160. River's Edge
161. Sleepaway Camp
162. At Close Range
163. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
164. Princess Mononoke
165. Shrek 2
166. Camp
167. West Side Story
168. Breakfast At Tiffany's
169. Charade
170. 25th Hour
171. Gattaca
172. Sleepless In Seattle
173. Footloose
174. Buffalo Soldiers
175. Battle Royale
176. Dead Poets Society
177. Edward Scissorhands
178. Spiderman 2
179. Powder
180. The 6th Sense

Edit: I accdentally forgot to put the 2 after the second spiderman - sorry for those who used this one

Well, it's been a long time coming... it's 4:16 am, and it's finally done. Redshift finally has it's own MUSIC VIDEO, being a creation of myself and Joe, my media studies partner, it's being currently designed with the intent of using it for our final project. I will, however, be changing it around ot make it not school related (changing titles and such)

It's a large file. anyone who would want me to send them a copy, email me or comment on here, I can either send it over MSN, or preferably burn it to disc for you guys (you have to supply the disc). A note about the MSNing it is that the file is around 100 MB in AVI format, and about 85 MB in MPEG format. I can't guarantee my MSN will stay online for that long, either (sketchy connection).

Like I said, email me or comment on my livejournal with who you are, and how you want the video sent to you (if you want a copy)

on a side note, I should probably get likeness permissions for the video.

Have a good one. I'm going to bed.

Matt

Edit: I'm still looking as to where I can score a DVD burner and DVD/R's to turn this video into a DVD with interviews and stuff. It doesn't matter if the DVD burner is attached to someone's computer, as long as I can use it to make these.

If there is one person you can't stop thinking about and never want to, post this same exact sentence in your journal.

Well, for all of you that knew about it, Artsfest is now over. it was a blast. Redshift (along with many other acts) put on an awesome show. we borught the hizzle down around their shizzle.

For all of you that Missed RedShift's performance, you missed something awesome. We all had a great time entertaining everyone, and we loved the feedback we all got, asking for demos, CDs, etcetera. it was awesome

Next up: May 20th.. Battle of the bands... I actually think we can contest the Pin Up Boys and Kevin Yun.

and now, my life consists of unfinished projects, school work, and trivial relationship issues.. people being dumb, saying stuff, etcetera... and me... wanting to say stuff... but not being sure about saying it....

I had a dream last night. it was weird. It was at a concert, some band created in my mind was playing a song created in my mind.. in a venue created by my mind, filled with faceless people.... I was there, with her. she was so gorgeous, she was so intoxicating.. she seemed to cloud every one of my senses.. she swayed, and rocked with every beat of the music.. in this dream, I wanted to tell her exactly how I felt.. exactly how I feel about her..

...I opened my mouth.. and nothing came out..

...this is my life, such as it is..

I'm happy. with life.. I didn't quite realize that I really, truly was, until today. I spent the day with a3rith watched Kill Bill, and talked. Alot. It made me realize how truly content I was with my life, how so many people are much worse off than I. It's the sort of realization that makes you feel somewhat ecstatic... in a sense. I am me.. my life is what I've been raised in, there's nothing wrong... why shouldn't I be happy? I have a right to. It's almost upsetting to see people complain about their lives when it's really not that bad, I mean, things like when you get a bad grade, or break up with your significant other aren't really that bad in comparison to some people.. I mean, some people have to deal with their entire family dying in car accidents, some, with how they're going to survive the next day, some living knowing they're going to die within the next month with some terminal illness. Like, honestly guys, it's not that bad.

As I mentioned above, I spent the day with a3rith After meeting her at the mall, we went back to my house... where she and I both picked up our respective instruments.. and played for a whole of... 15 minutes. we then Watched Kill Bill and all of the DVD extra scenes. (I walk like Jayne Marshall... I talk like Jayne Marshall). For the next 3-4 hours, we bummed around my house, talking, occasionally trying our luck at fixing our piano bench, and playing some Need for Speed Underground. She also played some stuff on the piano (I was impressed.. really). Eventually we took off to her house to watch Texas Chainsaw Massacre with twinklemaria. fun times. one of the best days I've ever had. Thanks :).

This weekend is gonna be tough.. I mean, although today was probably one of the best I've had in a while, I do have a pretty big essay in media studies due tomorrow. 1200-1500 words. I'm gonna have to work like I've never worked before to get this done.

hm. speaking of work, I need a job.

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says.
"minority etc., or estates of one who dies" (it was a dictionary)

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?
printer

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Need for speed underground

4. WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what the time it?
2:10

5. Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?
2:04

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
humidifier in the fallout kitchen

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
running around the neighborhood looking for my sister

8. Before you came to this website, what did you look at?
newgrounds.

9. What are you wearing?
black jeans, green-grey hoodie

10. Did you dream last night?
yeah

11. When did you last laugh?
uhm 5 hours ago

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
yellow paint and pictures of my family

13. Seen anything weird lately?
Tyler's little brother actually having friends.

14: What is the word most often used in your vocabulary?
"hey."

15. What is the last film you saw?
A Civil Action

16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?
A 1998 Toyota Supra Twin Turbo (hey, it's my dream car, alright?)

17. Tell me something about you that I don't know.
I've been dumped 15 times.

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
let stupid people punish themselves for their stupidity

19. Do you like to dance?
I like to *pretend* to dance

20. George Bush:
he should be subject to my change in question 18.

21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
Alexis

22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
Tylien

23. Would you ever consider living abroad?
Yes


I'm feeling tired. I mean, sure, it's 2 am and I just filled out a quiz... but I've just been feeling a little.... empty, I guess. I really don't know what to say... only that I'm not feeling like my normal self. I feel... different.

anyway. last night I got stoned with Ty. if you're up for a BIG read, and I mean a BIG AND FUNNY read, this is the conversation that I had with exasperatedsigh:

( last night's MSN conversation )

Dear Journal,

I caught up with a very close friend of mine today... and Tuesday. It was very nice. what good times we had shared together. It was nice talking to her about them again.. it left me in a state of nostalgia.

In other news,

(x) ...been drunk?
(x) ...smoked pot?
(x) ...kissed a member of the opposite sex?
(x) ...kissed a member of the same sex?
(_) ...crashed your own car?
(_) ...crashed a friend's car?
(_) ...been to Japan?
(x) ...rode in a taxi?
(_) ...had anal sex?
(x) ...been in love?
(x) ...had sex?
(_) ...had sex in public?
(x) ...been dumped?
(x) ...shoplifted?
(x) ...been fired?
(x) ...been in a fist fight?
(_) ...had a threesome?
(x) ...snuck out of your parents house?
(_) ...been tied up (sexually)?
(_) ...had sex with a member of the same sex?
(x) ...had sex with a member of the opposite sex?
(_) ...been arrested?
(x) ...made out with a stranger?
(x) ...stole something from my job?
(_) ...celebrated New Years in Time Square?
(_) ...gone on a blind date?
(x) ...lied to a friend?
(x) ...had a crush on a teacher?
(_) ...celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans?
(_) ...been to Europe?
(x) ...skipped school?
(_) ...slept with a co-worker?
(_) ...been fisted or fisted anyone?
(_) ...thrown up in a bar?
(x) ...purposly set yourself on fire?
(x) ...eaten Sushi?
(x) ...been snowboarding?
(x) ...been happy with yourself?
(x) ...met a movie star?
(x) ...been naked in front of another person?
(x) ...had a mental illness? (if A.D.D counts :P)

I am so jealous of people with scanners and digital cameras and webcams... I'm living in the technological stone age with NONE of these up to date gizmos.

I'm feeling a definite creative urge. I want to have so many musical projects on the go.. it's not even funny... but I know I can't... it'll be too much to handle... I guess I have to look forward to performing again. oh man. it's such a rush. every time... getting up on stage. watching everyone watching me doing something I love.

Point in case. we need to play more shows, band.

upcoming possible shows for Redshift:
-Artsfest @TWS April 29, 30
-Battle of the Bands @TWS May 13th

I also have a side Project with Will going on. we have some ideas down, and now all we need is another guitarist.

This weekend has been craptacular

I'm single, again.. needless, really to sa what happened, but to give some slight information on the subject.. I went to Sarah's... and we broke up... I'll admit, I am a little bit bitter, but i'll survive.

It's funny how sometimes events like that just make you rethink yourself, view yourself from a different perspective, in a new light... I know I am... I know this has changed me... I feel like a new me.

Second, it was on the ride home from Sarah's that i ate an Islington Subway Station beef patty... worst idea ever. I got home and proceeded to visit my friend, Porcelain. Food poisoning. not fun.

And here's a bit of some good news. I am an Assistant Stage Manager for the Twelfth Night, performing at The Living Arts Centre, and I spent the entire day today there, running lines, and prepping myself for a busy week of late night rehearsals.

I think I'm going to devote my emotional energy to do something creative.